Tales from the Granola Box

Monkey Boy went to a birthday party the other day. It was at a gymnastics centre, he had a ball, and now he wants to know when he gets to have a party.

He turns four at the beginning of June, so it seems reasonable to me to at least start thinking about what we want to do for his first party. It will just be a simple backyard party, maybe with a theme. I’m trying to steer him towards pirates, mainly because I can think of a lot of things to do that involve pirates. But I figured I should maybe get an idea of what he might like.

“When we have your birthday party,” I said to Monkey Boy, “we could make a theme for it. We could do pirates, or maybe clowns…”

“Or knights!” he said excitedly.

“Oh yeah, knights might be fun,” I said.

“Or maybe fairies!”

Silence.

Now, I consider myself a very open-minded person, and I make a real effort to raise my children without gender bias. I smile when Monkey Boy parades around in my high-heeled shoes, read him princess stories, and silently cheer when he breastfeeds his teddy bear. I also encourage his love of cars, trains, and superheroes. These are not ‘boy’ interests or ‘girl’ interests, but simply my son’s interests.

So I knew what I had to do here. I had to say, “sure, maybe fairies!” And I had to smile, and if he really wanted fairies, plan a fairy party for him. I also know, though, that not every parent thinks the same way I do. And if they do and have tried to raise their kids without gender bias, friends, relatives and society often defeat their efforts.

“Sure, maybe fairies!” I said. But oh please please don’t really want fairies because then I will have to either say yes and set you up for possible ridicule from the kids who will be coming and who maybe will think fairies are for girls and won’t understand why a boy would want them, or I will have to say no and then hate myself for going against my principles.

“Or even wizards!” he said, enthusiastically.

“YES! Wizards! Wizards would be fantastic! Wow, wizards, what a great idea!”